What Is Tantric Massage? Exploring the Body, Emotions and Safe Touch

The word tantra can mean very different things depending on who you ask.

In the West, tantric massage is often presented as a sensual or sexual experience. But the Tantric traditions from which the word comes are much broader, more complex and sexuality is only a tiny part of those. They include philosophical, ritual and contemplative traditions in Hinduism and Buddhism, with some of the earliest distinct Tantric traditions emerging in South Asia around the middle of the first millennium CE.

My approach to tantric massage is about slowing down, becoming more aware of your body, and exploring what happens when you receive conscious, respectful touch in a safe space.

The roots of Tantra

My understanding of tantric bodywork is particularly influenced by Shaivism, and especially the non-dual traditions associated with Kashmir Shaivism.

In these traditions, the body is not seen as something separate from spiritual life. The body, consciousness, sensation, breath, emotion and desire can all be part of the path of awareness.

This is very different from the idea that spirituality means leaving the body behind.

If you come from a Catholic country for example, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Tantric traditions are diverse, and it is important not to reduce them to a single philosophy or practice. Some Tantric traditions developed sophisticated practices involving the body, breath, attention, visualization, ritual and transformation of ordinary experience. The body was seen as a pathway to accessing deeper awareness rather than as an obstacle.

This is one of the ideas that speaks to me most strongly: the body can be where awareness starts and not something we need to overcome in order to become more aware.

But is tantric massage an ancient Tantric practice?

There is no evidence that the modern practice called "tantric massage" existed as an ancient tradition. Modern tantric massage developed in Europe during the 20th century, within the Neo-Tantra movement, drawing inspiration from older Tantric ideas and traditions.

When I describe my massage as tantric, I am not claiming to reproduce an ancient ritual. I am drawing inspiration from some of the principles associated with these traditions: presence, embodiment, awareness, the relationship between body and consciousness, and experiencing the body as something worthy of attention rather than something to control or judge.

What does this mean during a massage?

Tantric massage begins with presence.

We start with a conversation about what brings you to the session, what you would like to explore, and what feels comfortable for you. We establish clear boundaries before the massage begins.

Those boundaries are not something we negotiate during the massage. You remain in control of them throughout. You can always ask me to change something, slow down, stop or leave something out.

Important disclaimer: we can narrow the boundaries down but we will never expand the boundaries during the massage. 

The massage becomes an opportunity to listen.

Rather than trying to make something happen, I invite you to notice what is already happening.

You might notice warmth, pressure, pleasure, tension, numbness, movement, relaxation or discomfort.

You might notice your breathing changing or might become aware of emotions.

You might simply enjoy receiving touch and feel very relaxed.

There is no particular experience you need to have. It is about presence with what is really there for you without judgement, not what you wish was there.

The emotional side of tantric massage

The body and emotions are closely connected.

When we slow down and receive sustained, attentive touch, we can sometimes become aware of feelings or sensations that are usually drowned out by everyday life.

You might feel sadness, tenderness, vulnerability, joy, relief or anger. Particular memories may resurface.

You might suddenly notice that you have been holding tension somewhere in your body but nothing emotional happens.

I don't approach the massage with the expectation that you need to "release" something. There is no catharsis that you need to achieve.

If an emotion arises, we make space for it, slow down, notice what is happening and give you the opportunity to stay connected with yourself while experiencing it.

This is where my training in Somatic Experiencing strongly influences my work.

Tantric massage and Somatic Experiencing

Somatic Experiencing is a body-based trauma therapy that works with sensations, emotions and nervous system responses to process the effect of traumatic events on our nervous system.

Although tantric massage and Somatic Experiencing are different practices, I sometimes combine elements of the two when it is supportive to your process.

This can be particularly meaningful when your relationship with your body has been affected by difficult experiences.

Perhaps your boundaries have been crossed in the past or you have experienced sexual violence or unwanted sexual touch.

Perhaps you find it difficult to know what you actually want when someone touches you or you feel disconnected from parts of your body.

In these situations, touch can be complicated even if you want it.

A person may want closeness while another part of their nervous system is screaming "not safe."

This is not something we want to force.

Instead, we slow down and explore very small experiences of choice, safety and awareness during our session.

Can I notice that I don't like this touch?

Can I say no and have that no respected?

Can I notice what kind of touch feels comfortable?

Can I change my mind?

Can I remain connected with myself and not dissociate or freeze while someone else is touching me?

These may sound like simple things. For someone whose boundaries have been repeatedly ignored or violated, they can be deeply important experiences.

The goal is not to recreate or relive what happened but to create an environment where you can experience choice and agency in the present.

Safe touch is not the same as sexual touch

Because the word "tantric" is often associated with sexuality, I want to be very clear about this.

My work is based on consent, boundaries and conscious touch. Sexual touch is not part of my practice.

Touch can be sensual without being sexual. It can feel intimate without creating an obligation for sexual contact.

You never owe me touch and you never owe me a particular response.

I will not be offended if you say no or if you change your mind.

You never need to continue something simply because we agreed to it before the session.

The same goes both ways, I do not owe you any touch that crosses the boundaries established before the session.

The framework we establish at the beginning gives us a clear foundation. During the session, you can always make it smaller: we can change the touch, avoid an area, pause or stop.

Your boundaries are not an obstacle to the massage. They are part of the practice. This is how we know you are still in the room.

What can you explore through tantric massage?

There is no single reason to come.

You might come because you want to relax and receive nurturing touch.

You might want to reconnect with your body.

You might be curious about your relationship with pleasure, sensation or intimacy.

You might feel disconnected from your body or struggle with body image.

Maybe your body changed after childbirth or illness and you want to give it some tenderness.

You might want to experience non-sexual touch in a way that feels safe and respectful.

Maybe you are single and haven't been touched in a while.

You might be working through the effects of difficult experiences and want to explore your relationship with your body with additional support from Somatic Experiencing.

My intention is to create the conditions for you to slow down, become curious about your experience and develop a more connected relationship with your body.

You don't need to be spiritual

You don't need to believe in chakras, energy or any spiritual system to receive this massage.

If those concepts are meaningful to you, we can make space for them and a tantric massage can become an active meditation and a real spiritual journey.

If they aren't, you can experience the massage through your body: breathing, sensation, movement, touch, emotions and awareness.

For me, the most important part is not believing the "right" things.

Instead, it is being able to feel what is happening and remain connected with yourself while it happens.

A different relationship with your body

We often spend much of our lives asking our bodies to perform, be productive, look a certain way, stay healthy, relax on command, be available, feel pleasure but non't feel too much.

Tantric bodywork offers a different invitation.

For a while, you don't have to make your body do anything.

You can listen to it and notice what feels good, what doesn't, what you want more of and what you want less of.

Little by little, you can begin to experience your body not only as something to manage, but as a place where you can feel, choose, connect and be present.

Maybe you can finally feel your body is your home.

If you are curious about tantric massage or wondering whether combining it with Somatic Experiencing might be right for you, you are welcome to contact me. We can talk about what you are looking for and what kind of session would be best for you.